Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.