Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"