May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood