I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
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I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
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I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage