I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
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Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
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Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.