Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.