are you so shy because you have an std?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!