dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza