the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
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I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
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Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.