wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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