I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
