i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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