the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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