Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
