I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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