drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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