Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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