We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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