Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
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