I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
