and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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