it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
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I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
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When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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