Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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