when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
3 2 1 whiskey
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
