come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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