pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
