I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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