Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
