I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
