Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
