***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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