my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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