I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
