the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
