Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
