my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
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She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
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Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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