Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Randomize
