they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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