Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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