Who wears a wallet chain?!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
