Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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