I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
