I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
