Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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