You made me cry and you don't even care
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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