Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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