I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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