I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize