he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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