if you like me you must not know who I am
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
