I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
