You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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