Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Say something about gay babies.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
