If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
