I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
