i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
