I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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