i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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