One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
