So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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