if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
