Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
