If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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