i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
