Cold hands, warm shart.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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