Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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