I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
